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1. DONKEYKONG VS ICE CLIMBERS LICENSE
2. DONKEYKONG VS ICE CLIMBERS SERIES
3. DONKEYKONG VS ICE CLIMBERS SIMULATOR

But Ice Climber often requires quick jumping reflexes and precision movement. Maybe with tight level design built to the strengths of the jumping mechanics it could have been something. Ice Climber is so putrid that it’s insane to think anyone could have been satisfied releasing this in the state it’s in. And then they built a game not tailored to these specific physics that requires you to jump up and to the left or right.

So the characters can jump fairly high vertically but not to the left and right. It honestly feels like something is physically pushing into your character while you jump. It has bizarre jumping physics that severely limit how much horizontal distance you can cover each jump, presumably to make it clear that this is the vertical game.

DONKEYKONG VS ICE CLIMBERS SERIES

But the problem is Super Mario Bros., for all the shit I’ve given it for its relatively bad control ( compared to how the series evolved at least), was probably the best controlling game Nintendo had ever made up to that point. Developed alongside Super Mario Bros., Nintendo probably thought jumping and scrolling were the keys to why Mario’s new game was so fun and decided “well, Super Mario is working horizontally, so let’s quickly make a vertical scroller and corner that market too!” If true, that’d be a solid theory. I suspect Ice Climber was considered a high-prospect game at Nintendo. It doesn’t deserve even the slightest hint of positivity. I don’t want to use the word “better” to describe anything related to this game. The one less-negative thing I can say about Arcade Archives: Ice Climber is that it controls not-as-horrible as the NES version. Which, coincidentally, is what New York Knicks management have to say to themselves just to sleep at night. Remember, it’s not really failing if you didn’t even try. Being remarkably bad takes ambition and the belief you’re making something good. Being bad on purpose takes no skill or effort. They have camp value specifically because everyone involved didn’t know they were making bad games. But those games like Sewer Shark or Night Trap weren’t trying to be badly acted or horrible to play. It’s not just because it was bad, but because it was trying to be deliberately 90s FMV-bad. That’s why I found Press X to Not Die so obnoxious. That he was giving his maximum effort and still ended up with Plan 9 from Outer Space is adorable in how pitiful it is. Well hell, shouldn’t part of the requirement for a worst-game contender be that the game had aspirations of high quality? People find charm in Ed Wood’s failures because he was trying so gosh-darn hard to make something good.

DONKEYKONG VS ICE CLIMBERS LICENSE

I mean, that Ron Howard likeness license ain’t cheap. Expecting them to be good would be like a pothead giving glaucoma a positive review because at least it gives them a legal excuse to smoke weed. They were part of Nintendo’s trojan horse strategy to get the NES into retailers. But, I don’t think the NES robot games should be in the discussion. I know that part is true because I have played Gyromite. It seems like totally functional concept that wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t controlled by an accessory so slow that you have to measure its movement speed in epochs. I’m not sure why Stack Up has such a bad reputation besides being a game that requires players to keep score via the honor system.

DONKEYKONG VS ICE CLIMBERS SIMULATOR

Now granted, I haven’t played Stack Up, and unless Nintendo does a digital simulator for R.O.B. And Nintendo has made a lot of games that are uninspired at best, if not actively horrible. THIS, my friends, is the worst Nintendo game.